Nobody ever wants to express the challenges of pregnancy. It is always aren't you excited? In the middle of a weepy emotional challenge and feeling forced to be happy when in that moment I am insane. Pregnancy is a huge change to your body and psyche. It sometimes feels like I am standing on the edge of the beach when a wave tries to force me to fall. I am trying hard to hold myself up, but what I want to do it let go and let the waves take me. Maybe I need to let the waves take me and trust in nature. Its the unknown mixed in a cocktail of my thoughts that convinces me to fight.
The mystery continues to share with me the experience of pregnancy. I am feeling much better physically, which has allowed me to let go more and stop battling with my feelings. I want to be cheerful and mindful of myself, and recently do feel that way, but last week was weepy, weepy and more weepy. I was dark. I had thoughts and feelings that scared others, which would force me to retreat into my bed and feel my misery of emotions. I have never had these intense feelings before, and I feel like the baby's divine soul is helping me to connect to my addictive emotions that are my past. It is so overwhelming, but needs to be cleared.
This is a different time and my heart needs to be pure for myself and child. I am being pushed into an uncomforable spaces in my life, and not with ease. A part of me knows this is a very powerful space to be in. I have to remind myself to be present and real, even in pain. My truth will prevail and this I must hold very close to my heart. Time will tell what emerges over the next months.
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