Flower Goddess

My fertile time was scientifically marked as the first week of May, which many holidays happen to occur, such a gift. Beltane festival, which is a celebration of the spring to summer season change in between the moon cycles. The flower Goddess of fertility, as well as May Day and Cinco de Mayo. My partner and I celebrated in sharing in sexual energies of welcome and letting go.

The experience of euphoria filled my heart for about the first two weeks of May and it was with strong feelings of what it feels like to love a child that is from my own creation. I had a clear feeling of how mothers feel. I did not suspect anything and went about my days until my arrival of my period. I started to have some physical feeling of constipation, tender breast, extra sleep, very hungry, and later left sided ovary/ uterus soreness. I told myself it could be PMS. I come home from work May 20, 2010 and needed to do the pee stick because I had to be pregnant. Of course I do it wrong, holding the stick upside down and wondering why it was white. I turned it over and two hot pink lines means your pregnant. I cheered in excitement. I guess I am and maybe 3 weeks. After prenatal visit with Birthing Sanctuary midwives I am 5 weeks prego!

What's next? I started eating more because I can not stand the starving feeling in my belly and my uterus feels sore from time to time. I realize that baby bud is growing in each day. My plants in my bedroom after years of death have decided to grow rich and full of life......my fertile energy is being shared. I have moments of anxiousness and still in the high of it. I feel like I have entered a secret society of pregnant world and I got the pass to get in. My spiritual birth has began into the next levels of conscious conception to conscious pregnancy. Later I will share some meditations and energy sessions that visit the soul that walks between worlds.

What I do know is that the change is upon me with deep awareness of all things. I am a host and holder of this light that will be greeted in the age of Aquarius.

Expressions

Many feelings coming and going all around conception. April not much sexual activity was going on. I wanted to not be so driven to have sex just for conception. I want more freedom in the experience of lust and love. I am noticing that each month my moon cycle gets less and less restricted since my openness to conceive. Meaning I do not get cramps of any kind or premenstrual issues. Just some water retention and slight mood shift. I am very excited that my body and mind are in harmony with being and embracing my woman-ness.

I had feelings around a movie I watched the other day called Pregnant in America. It had good message, but also very fearful and overwhelming. It takes courage for a woman to stand by her beliefs in her desired birthing experience and create the best of what she wants. Unfortunately, many have been charmed by the system to follow the best of what someone else feels is best. Which takes us out of our bodies and faith into another, when in truth, we are the best indicators of our own bodies. The show made me feel powerless by the couples quest for understanding and education of pregnancy in American culture.

I know that whatever people watch or connect with in the world it can offer triggering emotions that are unique to each. I questioned could I be a mother and have my whole life change? How my thoughts try to conceive ideas when I have no records to create these feeling besides my past lives and childhood. I noticed that before I decided to take on a BA program, I was terrified beyond anything. I just thought I could not do it and that I was not smart enough for it. I cried with my head on my desk at home after the first day of class. I feel that way about raising a child - it feels new and scary, but I know in my heart I am ready, but my fear thinks otherwise. The balance of my heart and my mind seems to be a continuous journey that will lead me into the unknown of all things seen and unseen.