Grieving the Arrived Period

I once had a natural doctor (Dr. Michele) tell me that she picked up this information about me through an intuitive outlet; She said that she felt a sense of loss when my period arrives each month because that “could have been.” That “could have been feeling,” was the possibilities of a baby. I never thought of it consciously, but inside of me I could feel her words resonate in some kind of teary eyed connection. I have always known in my heart that I wanted a child someday. I have had many fears come and go around the topic of conception and birthing.

I have been practicing conscious conception experience for 4 years and like marriage I wait until it feels right and not because everyone else is doing it. The 6 year engagement was what we needed and when the time arrived we married in style. It was a spiritual affair or otherwise known as a destination wedding that landed us in Cebu City, Philippines. Life has a plan and having faith by trusting in the larger part of the human experience is what is being held in my heart. I do admit I am more then sad about not being pregnant and feel very blue. I fee very emotional today and cried a bunch to find peace and let go by listening to my pain. I also received an angelic healing session and mediation to sooth my soul. I do feel much better.

December and January were the start of the sweet openness of unprotected sex and waiting for the new soul to arrive with hopes and dreams of it becoming a reality very soon. My emotions are preparing for something and every month since I have had very abnormal body issues of feeling extremely uncomfortable and very emotional. Before I would be ill every month before my period and had to see a natural doctor, which after a month cleared up and I would continue to see this doctor 1 week before each period. I discovered that I get to have the emotions before it arrives into my physical body. I wish I could say one was easier then the other, but both challenge my psyche. Will that ever change? I am not sure. My hormonal system is run by my energy field and a huge part of what makes me female. I continuously expand by releasing fears of what was and re-pattern into my reality an empowered female with love and self accept for who I am.